


Sexy, Baby!

by molossiamerica



Series: Office Antics [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Human AU, M/M, Office AU, USUK - Freeform, aph, arthur's still a lovesick nerd, the nerds are back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7495131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molossiamerica/pseuds/molossiamerica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In another attempt at matchmaking, Francis has lingerie delivered to his company under Arthur's name, knowing very well that the handsome American mailman will have to deliver it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexy, Baby!

Phones ringing, keyboards clicking, and light chatter wafted through the large room and into Francis' cubicle, making him frown. He was bored out of his mind, and there was little to do since he'd already completed every task assigned to him for today. Although he was sure Arthur could find something else for him to do if he asked, he decided against it, remembering the personal task he'd assigned to himself days prior.

Eyes lighting up, he suddenly whipped around to face his computer, typing in the web address _sexybabylingerie.com_ with a grin. He leaned forward, becoming completely engrossed in his task. So engrossed, in fact, that was completely oblivious to his coworker approaching and entering his cubicle.

"Sorry to bother you, Bonnefoy-san, but would you mind printing off the—" Kiku froze, mortified, in the entrance to Francis' cubicle, dark eyes widened comically and a red blush settling across his cheeks. He stared at the computer as the man in question turned in his chair, grinning.

"It is not what it looks like, I assure you," Francis chuckled, flipping some of his long, wavy hair over his shoulder. "What would you like me to print off?

"Ah..." Kiku gulped, shooting another glance toward the computer before quickly regaining his composure. His surprised face quickly melted into one of complete serenity, a mask. "The reports from yesterday's delivery, if you could?"

"Of course, of course. They will be ready and on your desk within the hour." Francis gave the man a sultry smile and a wink before turning back to his computer, where he continued to scroll through the website.

Kiku nodded, turning on his heel. He had one foot out of the cubicle before he turned around. In a rare moment of insatiable curiosity, he approached Francis' chair, leaning forward a bit to better see the computer screen and the items displayed upon it.

"What... Are you doing?" He asked hesitantly, keeping his voice even.

"You are aware of our lovely delivery boy, _non_?"

"Yes," Kiku answered, confused, "Alfred-kun is a very close friend of mine. Why?" He frowned slightly and tucked some of his jet-black hair behind his ear.

"Well, it appears that our very own CEO has the most adorable schoolboy crush on him! And, since I am the ultimate master of _l'amour_ , I have decided to employ myself as his unofficial matchmaker!" Francis exclaimed excitedly.

Kiku raised a brow, skeptical. "...And to do this you must look at lingerie on the Internet?"

"Of course!" Francis said matter-of-factly, laughing as if Kiku were a naive child. "I am going to order it under Arthur's name and have it sent to his office. Alfred will see it, and hopefully his reaction will be entertaining. Not only that, but it will make him think of Arthur in sexual situations... That is, if he hasn't already. It is a good plan, _non_?"

The Japanese man stared, scrutinizing Francis and then the computer screen intensely. His dark eyes gave away nothing of his mood, and it wasn't until a small smile crept into his face that Francis knew what he was thinking.

"Yes, very good. But you should pick something racy, just in case Alfred-kun decides to look inside." He responded, surprising Francis.

"Oh-ho, Kiku, and here I was thinking you innocent!"

"Hmmm," Kiku hummed disinterestedly. "As do most people. In any case, I think that this one here would best suit Kirkand-san and will hopefully have the most lasting impression on Alfred-kun..." The man said, pointing to a model displaying a sheer, lacy black bodysuit.

Francis grinned wickedly. "Mhm, that one is sure to work!"

"How do we ensure that Alfred will see that it's lingerie?" Kiku whispered, watching as Francis typed the necessary information into the computer.

"Do not worry about that," the Frenchman waved a hand in the air dismissively. "I've ordered here before. Every package is pink and has the words 'Sexy Baby Lingerie' on it."

"You've... Ordered from them before?" The other asked, raising a dark brow.

" _Oui._ For more... Personal reasons than this." Francis answered cheekily. "This is a much more innocent cause than usual." He added, hoping the bold statement would elicit some sort of reaction.

Kiku eyed him, a small smile glinting on his lips. "Hm," he mumbled, considering this. After a moment, he straightened and turned, stopping when he reached the exit to Francis' cubicle. "Make sure to notify me when Alfred-kun delivers the package, please."

"But of course."

 

A week later, five minutes before Alfred was due to come upstairs and deliver mail, Francis walked to Kiku's desk. As usual, the timid accountant of Kirkland Publishing Company was hunched over his computer, typing some sort of document at incredible speeds.

"Excuse me, Kiku, but I believe we have something to discuss with Arthur?" Francis said innocently, but a knowing smile played on his full lips.

Kiku looked up, calm and reserved as always. "Ah. Yes, of course. Thank you for reminding me, Bonnefoy-san." He replied as he stood up, following the man to Arthur's office.

Francis knocked and, after hearing a more polite than usual 'come in', they stepped in. Arthur was already flushed, and with a grin Francis realized that the Brit had clearly hoped it would be Alfred entering their office.

"Expecting someone?" The Frenchman asked cheekily as he entered, Kiku behind him.

"No." Arthur huffed, looking embarrassed and disappointed. "Ah, Kiku! How are you?" He greeted politely, seeming excited to find someone other than Francis in his office.

"Very well, Kirkland-san, thank you. And you?" Kiku asked in return, the picture of sophistication as always.

Francis took a seat, merely watching the polite exchange with a smile. As of late, he'd come to greatly admire Kiku. He'd thought before that the man really was a naive, shy man who simply wanted to get through life while talking to as few people as possible. But now, seeing the other, more devilish side of the man, he'd become extremely intrigued, and dare he say it, attracted to him.

"I'm alright, thank you. Is there something you'd like to discuss? I hope the frog didn't drag you in here for another one of his idiotic ideas." Arthur rolled deep green eyes and dragged pale fingers through his hair, clearly taking the opportunity to make himself look more presentable while Alfred was absent.

"No, not at all." Kiku replied calmly. "I was simply explaining to Bonnefoy-san that, in order to get more sales next quarter, perhaps we could try to—"

A knock at the door and the prompt, sweet 'come in!' from Arthur interrupted the man. Three heads turned to stare as the door opened to reveal Alfred, arriving right on schedule as always. Arthur, Francis, and Kiku stared at the mailman with rapt attention, watching as he wheeled the cart into the room.

"Good morning, Alfred." Arthur greeted politely, his pale, freckled cheeks already bright red from the mere sight of the younger male.

Alfred turned toward him, running a hand through his golden hair to sweep his bangs to the side. Francis watched eagerly as his boss practically swooned in his seat, so affected by the American that it was almost comical. After all, having known Arthur since he was a young teenager, he'd seen the man in many states, but none so entertaining as this. Despite the numerous sexual partners Arthur had had throughout the years, he'd never had any sort of real, lasting relationship with anyone, and had never developed any sort of romantic feelings for anyone. Francis had often wondered what it would be like when Arthur finally fell in love, and it seemed that he was getting his answer now; Arthur turned into an absolute fool when he liked someone.

"Hi, Mr. Kirkland," Alfred greeted, sounding anxious. "You, uh... You got a package." He mumbled nervously, reaching into the cart. After a moment, he procured a pastel pink package with white lace patterns printed onto it, the words 'Sexy Baby! Lingerie' emblazoned upon it in beautiful golden calligraphy.

Arthur accepted it, confused by the appearance of the package. At seeing the title, his green eyes bulged and he gaped, shocked, at the item in his hands. 

"What the hell?" He asked, both thick brows raised. "I-I—What the—Oh my God, I-I—" He looked up to the mailman, red beyond belief. "I'm so sorry, I have absolutely no idea what this is—wh-why—Oh my God..."

"Um... Yeah. I-I'll just, uh. I gotta... Go. H-Have a nice day, Mr. Kirkland." Alfred mumbled, cheeks pink as he rushed out of the room, so distracted that he'd completely forgotten the mail cart.

Arthur stared, shocked and embarrassed, as the door swung shut. Then, he turned his eyes to the package, glaring at it as if it had singlehandedly doomed him to an eternity in hell. With a ferocious growl, he ripped into he packaging and tore out the item inside, hoisting it into the air to see properly.

Kiku stared, completely unphased, at the item in the air. In sharp contrast, Francis had burst into loud laughter beside him, covering his mouth with his hand at the sight of the lingerie.

It wasn't really the item that was funny to him, but Arthur's reaction to it. After all, it was completely fitting for the man: under the unflattering suits the man insisted on wearing, there was a lanky, thin figure, well-suited for such a garment. Dainty feet, soft thighs, a pale, slender torso, and an admittedly handsome face made a perfect combination for the item in front of them. When you topped it off with Arthur's lovely green eyes, shaggy blond hair, round face and prominent cheekbones, he was simply gorgeous... As long as you could get past his hellishly huge eyebrows, Francis resolved.

"What the hell is _this_?!" Arthur cried, examining it.

"Sorry, Mr. Kirkland, I forgot the—" Alfred stopped in the half-open doorway, eyes glued to his boss, who was still holding the garment high into the air for all to see. 

"Ah!" Arthur yelped, immediately throwing the item behind him as if he could hide get he was looking at it.

"I, uh..." Alfred stared, jaw slack and blue eyes widened, looking brain-dead.

Arthur looked similar, his face beet red and his mouth flapping uselessly. Francis and Kiku watched, entertained, as the pair tried uselessly to jump start their short-circuited brains. Both Francis and Kiku knew from one look at Alfred's flushed, sheepish face that he was picturing Arthur in the lingerie, and enjoying himself.

"Well—You've f-forgotten the mail cart, h-have you?" Arthur stuttered, the first one to snap out of the moment.

"Um, yeah." The American mumbled in shaky agreement, slowly stepping into the office. "I, uh... Yeah... You're, um... You've got the figure for that. The, uh, lingerie." With that, he sped out of the office at full speed, dragging the cart along behind him.

Arthur stared incredulously for a moment, once again looking as if he'd gone brain-dead. Then, he bent over, scooping the mass of lace up off the floor. He shoved it back into its original container and then stashed it safely under his desk wearing a goofy, lovestruck smile.

**Author's Note:**

> There you have it, folks! Part two of Office Antics! If you want to see more, be sure to follow my series so you can be notified when another part is posted! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and thanks in advance if you point out any spelling/grammar mistakes!


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